on Verena: community in the time of collapse

To live as a victim of abuse is to live in fear. Ask me how I know. Verena is a SMS based security system that I designed back in 2016, and released back in 2017.

I remember for the first time, in a traumatizing ‘first tendrils of adulthood’ way, when I realized I couldn’t keep the people I loved safe.

It was a day in November 2016, the night after the election. My friends and I, learning about who we were becoming, usually met before school and hung around, providing support and a moment of levity before our day, and then again for lunch.

In its own adolescent way, I thought of my own initial feelings towards other girls as terrifying, and then a never-ending Palm Springs summer, being outside in the world together alive when no one else was looking for us. It was the kind of sweet teenage moments you get before you realize the reality that presses down on those moments.

We sat together during lunch, eating Panda Puffs out of the box. I just remember looking at my friends and myself and realizing for the first time that powerful people hate us in the form we were. That’s a fear you don’t want to contend with at 14.

When I started high school, I made a collage wall right next to my bed of things that were my future. Ads for cybersecurity companies, photos of robots, pages from programming tutorials printed out.

And then at the very top, nestled between my dreams of science and the stars, was a Pride Month ad of two men kissing with wedding rings on saying, ‘Love is love’.

By the time I dropped out of high school, I came home to the poster torn down, the staples still holding minor paper shreds to the wall.

To live in abuse is to live in fear. Humans get safety in numbers. Community, friendship, and support during victims of any situation genuinely begin to correlate with better outcomes for people going through stressful life events.

When Astra created the Isolated Not Alone project to help support healthcare workers and people dealing with grief, we found (and tried to create) ‘wobble rooms’. These were spaces where healthcare workers and other first responders could come share their experiences with the group, in an effort to reduce the risk of PTSD and burn out.

Even outside of wobble rooms, first responders (fire, EMS, police, 911 dispatch, etc) have ‘Critical Incident Briefs’ where the entire team discusses their feelings after a traumatic event.

To reduce the stress of being in a dangerous situation, being connected to (and cared for by) your community is a major risk-reducer in developing PTSD and other long-term quality of life factors.

The evidence is clear. Going through dangerous situations of any kind, whether facing abuse from a parent or partner, to being discriminated against and harassed at work, is incredibly traumatizing and stressful.

Institutions for traditional reporting don’t always protect someone. Going back to the example at work, there’s countless cases of HR mismanaging sexual assault allegations against major company figureheads. Police in the US do not actually issue restraining orders until after violence has already occurred, something I learned at 19.

Verena is a security system for people in dangerous situations that relies on your community only. And it’s free. And SMS messages that users send are sent through Astra’s servers, from our phone number directly to their contacts. This means there’s no outgoing calls or messages for anyone on the phone to see.

Besides SMS messaging, a user can find trauma coping tools, an incident log feature to collect evidence, a record tool to take videos and alert emergency contacts at the same time, and more.

This is what I wanted to have as a kid in that classroom, and what I wish my friends had to reach me when I left high school.

Overall, I think what I remember most from that day is not only the loss of teenage love blooming into vision, but the vivid sense people did not like me or my friends. And the sense that I couldn’t keep them safe.

I feel the overwhelming sense of fear I gained that day in high school every day. I think of the state of the world, the people I love, and the wounds awaiting them. And the only thing I have for that fear is this. A tiny mobile app for them to reach me if they ever need me.

I want all of you lovely internet people cared for and safe as well. And this is what I want to give to you (if you need it) to get you to a safe, caring, comfortable, and most importantly: stabilized future.